You want to know about my current sex life? Nope, I’m not at all offended. I actually appreciate you asking. I have no shame, no secrets, and nothing to tell.
It has been a long time since I entered the monastery of semi-involuntary celibacy.
I have not had the pleasure of an orgasm without lending myself a hand for eleven years.
Not that I am counting.
Me: Good catch.
I have entertained the thought that I may be done having sex with a woman in this lifetime.
The thought has not been very entertaining.

I am probably wrong about that prediction, but it is helpful to come to peace with it.
And perhaps even be grateful.
Here in this 60 year old body, I am thankful to not have the all consuming fire in my loins that steered my choices so often in my youth. 
Sexual desire is a wonderful part of life, but when I have given it a driver’s license and a steering wheel, in the morning I have often regretted where I parked my car for the night.
My primary prayer these days is what Stevie Winwood sang about in the 80’s: Bring Me a Higher Love.
For most of my adulthood I thought sex was as important as paying the bills and brushing my teeth. I am glad to say farewell to the notion that having a sex life is essential for happiness.
From my present perspective, I now will send the following message back in time to 1980, when I was a frustrated, anxious and celibate teenager convinced that losing my virginity would hack into my low self-esteem and grant me a huge upgrade in how I felt about myself.
I was terrified that I might never get with the program by getting laid, and was certain that doing the deed would make me a man.
I now address him with the tenderness and reassurance that can only come with time:
“Dude, you are a valid, lovable, and precious human being, and getting laid, when it finally happens (next year, so no worries), will be just another experience to enjoy and learn from. But it won’t be the initiation into the fraternity of manhood you are hoping for. Also, just to prepare you, it will be awkward as hell, and it will take a few decades to become confident and skilled at lovemaking.
In fact, during your first time, you won’t even know for sure if you actually achieved penetration. (You didn’t.)
But guess what? It won’t matter! It will be a very innocent and loving experience, enjoyed immensely by both you and your girlfriend, who will break up with you two months later.
But guess what else? Even that won’t matter! Well, it will hurt for a few weeks, but you’ll get over it quickly, thanks to another lovely young lady who will come on the scene, capture your heart, delight your senses, and leave a month later.
But as the future Scott, I am here to reassure you that none of this will matter because as you mature, sex, as pleasurable and beautiful as it can be, won’t have the meaning and importance you are currently assigning it.
You are here on earth to deeply penetrate the world with your large, throbbing organ—just not the one you are fixated on right now.
Women will come and go, but your greatest joy in life will come from thrusting your heart into a world that’s been waiting for you to have your way with it.”
Since I stopped insisting that I needed to be sexually satisfied to be happy and valid as a man, I am having far more Oh God! Don’t Stop! moments than I ever had in between the sheets. These moments are spontaneous and unrehearsed. I’ve thrown away the screenplay handed to me by society, and I’m improvising the remainder of my sexy life.
When my masculine courage gets it up to penetrate other hearts, it always gives me a huge heart-on!
As I look into my crystal balls, I see that, sex life or not, the best is yet to cum.
PS. If you feel like groaning due to last pun, I understand.
Groan away.
After all, you are a groan man or woman!
-An Excerpt from my latest book, Mindful Masculinity
